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Sometimes we actually just look at how many people have “liked” us, how many matches there were. Register slight displeasure when there are fewer than the day before.
Dannecker: “At the beginning you are still so overwhelmed: You could span half the world with your own personality. This has a real equivalent, because at any time of the day or night there are an infinite number of people on these portals who want something, whatever you want. ..This is also a narcissistic triumph: I am desired. You feel confirmed by your interest in what others express in you. You also know that from reality, only: you can’t click on twenty in a unit of time. Or operate on three portals. In this respect, there is a narcissistic expansion that is understandable. “
Lydia: “Yes, the balance sheet after two weeks is not that bad at all. I didn’t expect so many people to write there. And the whole spectrum is covered. From ‘Hello, dear wink from Niederschönhausen’ – where you immediately think: ‘Oh God, thank you!’ – to the middle of the night: ‘Hello green eyes! I’m a bit horny. Do we want to chat? ‘. And to notice that people are writing to you, that sometimes feels very good. From very hot to totally repulsive, actually everything is included. “
Tim: “I also have the feeling that men become explicit relatively quickly. I write with men and women. And men become explicit relatively quickly. And women, they are very cautious and I also have the feeling that as a man I always have to take the first step. “
Lydia: “I think I wrote less first. I am now even meeting someone. “
When we get to know someone via the Internet – writes Eva Illouz in her book “Why Love Hurts” – we exchange an enormous amount of text-based, disembodied information about one another. Romance and intimacy, however, are linked to physical and sensual closeness – and therefore increasingly difficult to achieve under these conditions.
According to the sociologist Kornelia Hahn, however, it is precisely communication at a distance that enables intimacy to arise.
“Romanticism lives very much from conversation, also from interpretation. One shows the other what one feels, with words or with other signs. Interpreting e-mails, text messages or sending photos in particular – this interpretation, which can lead to intimacy in the first place, can be played out even more for the individual couple through new media. “
Andreas: “I think many people feel the same way. … That you can talk about something like this online rather than verbally, one is inhibited or something.